dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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