it was like eating out sand paper
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
