I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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