the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
