I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
