I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
