You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
