Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
