It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Will exercising make me less horny?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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