Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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