operation have a gay friend backfired
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
