i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
