i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
