You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
