I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
