Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
someone owes me an orgasm
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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