he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it penis luge time yet?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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