i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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