my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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