I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
