SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
