im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
