This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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