I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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