so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
