I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
