New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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