Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
