the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
