he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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