420 ftw
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we're so committed to being not committed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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