i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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