when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
