Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
