when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
