Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
