ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
