I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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