Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
