so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My feet surprised me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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