my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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