i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
