After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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