please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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