there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
