i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
