Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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