Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
