He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
