around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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