he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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